Prayer

For the first time in forever. I said a kneeling prayer. And it was awesome. 

Grateful for God's eternal patience and mercy towards me. 

Identity

Is my identity who I appear to be? Am I comfortable with myself to show who I really am? 

"The truest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality who you appear to be." -Socrates

I'm sitting in my social media 130 content class and we're discussing identity. We've talked about some pretty deep stuff and I feel like I need to reflect on myself and if who I am in person, online, and in public.

I want to strive to be consistent in my behavior and thinking.


FAILURE > Lack of Initiative
I shouldn't be afraid to show who I am because I'm scared of failure. 

Who are you and what is your identity? And what are you afraid to share with others?

Post Mission Life..

So I've been back from my mission for almost three months...I didn't realize how many missionaries in my mission had mission blogs and feel so left out haha but it's all good. I've been really bad at journal writing since I've been back as well...but so far in my life. So my boyfriend from before the mission, we're all pau. Which I am eternally grateful for! Firstly, the break up helped me understand and deepen my testimony in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Secondly, it's crazy how much love blinds us. There were red flags that I would ignore because I thought he might change or that I shouldn't judge, etc. But looking at how his life has panned out so far.. I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED FOR MY FUTURE!!
And so, right now I'm working at a tutoring center. I've kind of transitioned alright. I mean it's hard for everyone, but I'm okay. The first couple days after the mission, it's awkward having free time and no tag to point to when I introduce myself. I'm not sure if I'm just over introducing myself to everyone, but I don't introduce myself to everyone now. I still smile and say hi to people in public, my parents laughed at me for the first few times haha I really like working at the tutoring center, I work with 3rd graders. I have some favorites, one gave me a gel pen and today he gave me a hot cheeto. I've been on two dates. No comment, except for I still need time to adjust haha
In January, I'm moving to Utah (I never thought that would happen) but I'm going to Salt Lake City and attending LDSBC. I am pretty excited! We're like a block away from Temple Square and I went and visited the campus earlier this month. I really like the Spirit I felt there. Each church school has a different Spirit, but I definitely felt really good at this one in LDSBC.
I'm attending the local YSA ward, it has been good so far. The ward is doing really well from what it was two years ago..some of us in the ward are trying to get this ward to be the new hot spot haha and it's late so I will be pau and go mohe.

Closer

My farewell talk is next week.. pretty nervous for it because I'm hoping everything runs smoothly and people do come out. I kinda wish I changed it to the 20 or 27, closer to my report date. The only reason I had it so early was because one of my friends was supposed to come out and sing but now she can't make it.

It's crazy how close my report date is, yet I feel so unprepared. I think mostly cuz I stay busy working everyday all day. I need to start working out again because I'm pretty sure, I'm going to get fatter in the mtc haha can't wait till I'm walking everywhere in Hong Kong. In one month, this time I'll be doing nothing but studying and eating everyday. I really do hope my family gets blessed and I hope no big tragedies occur while I'm away. I also hope people don't forget about me lol but it's my birthday on Tuesday and I decided to just work all day. I'm turning 21 but unlike my nonmember friends I have very different things to celebrate. I definitely know if it wasn't for the gospel I would probably be doing the same things they're doing. Or I'd still be in Hong Kong, or not even exist! Omg the gospel has really blessed my life in so many ways.

Tomorrow after work I'm going to the chiropractor again, he really keeps urging me to get an MRI because my back is healing too slow and he thinks I've got a slipped disk. I got a blessing today at church, I really hope that helps. MRIs are freaking expensive haha

Yesterday we kinda had a temple day with my parents and my bro and sister in law. But me and my bro stayed in the vc and he was teaching me ping yam but after we all went to this outlet mall in Livermore and then went out for sushi after as my birthday dinner but it was nice and fun having my whole family spend time together all day. I'll definitely miss that.

Overview

I guess I should reflect on this past year like everyone has been.. so some major events in my life were:

January: I moved back to Hawaii to work at the Polynesian Cultural Center to sell and engrave leather bracelets. It was a great learning experience. I'm just sad it ended so badly. Was preparing to go on my mission, because it was late 2011 I had a strong prompting that I should serve a mission.

July: Became good friends with a girl who I had just met. Spent every day with her. Traveling around the island, going to the beach, or just causing trouble.

August: Moved back to California because I was just being a bum and living the life out in Hawaii. Enrolled as a part time student at Chabot. Started doing insanity, but re-hurt an old back injury and have gotten fat ever since :( but started talking to a boy who would eventually be the love of my life.

September: The boy came to the bay for a wedding and hung out with me after and even though it lasted till about 2am(?) it still felt like it wasn't long enough and we thought we would never see each other again. Kept talking to him and he supported me and my decision to go on a mission. Started talking to him like he was mine and I was his.. didn't make it official because of my mission.

October: Lied to the boy and said I couldn't go to Utah for General Conference just to surprise him. Surprise ended up getting ruined hahaha was the best weekend ever. Still wasn't enough time with him. He was ashamed to hold my hand in public lol :( Started seriously working on my mission papers! Plus they lowered the age! Even though that had no effect on me because I was on track for my mission haha

November: Kept seeing the boy whenever he would come to the bay for any occasion or I could go see him. Made it official with the boy. Got my mission call to Hong Kong :) Baked a turkey for Thanksgiving.. failed because I found out it had been in the freezer for almost two years.

December: Got my endowments taken out on the first. Boyfriend came down just for it. Barely spent alone time/went on dates with him that weekend. Went to Reno for our friend's farewell. Got everyone there to fall in love with me. Flew out again two weeks later, fasted together and prayed together about each other in the temple. Received our answer. Hopefully we'll enter the temple again together in two years for time and all eternity.


So as you can see boyfriend is a major event and a huge impact in my life and I'm so grateful for him. And I know he'll read this eventually and he knows how bad I am at expressing my feelings. But he's such a major part of my life that I can't wait for life to happen, because I know he'll be in it. I hope our love for each other will never stop or go away and that we'll just keep on loving each other. I know that he's in my life because I was obedient in keeping God's commandments and that God blesses those who love and obey him. I'm so grateful for the gospel in my life and that me and my boyfriend can talk about the gospel and that our relationship is based around God. And even though we're long distance, the distance has made us cherish each other more and made our love stronger. It's so crazy to think that he's been in my life for such a short period of time. But he is the love of my life and my best friend and my future eternal companion. I love/hate that in such a short period of time he knows me soo much more than I know myself and that each day I can feel my love grow and grow. I love that he loves me for me despite all my shortcomings and I could go on and on.. but okay, well cheesy post pau. But I love my baby, and I know that me going on my mission will be hard for both of us, but will bless us sooooo much. And I can't wait for our adorable babies in the future :)

We've got something special.

Can't wait till 18 months is pau.

I flew into Reno Friday night and in the morning we went through the temple and did sealings too. Everything felt so right! It was super spiritual and we had fasted together and broke our fast in the celestial room and we both felt that each other was the right choice for each other. Monday we finally had a date night kind of thing but I woke up pretty late so we didn't have much alone time :( but we ate then went to the mall. I wanted to take ugly sweater pictures with Santa but they just closed the line as we got there. We actually went and looked at rings lol we were talking later about how weird it was that it wasn't weird for us to be doing that. Later though I told him that I decided to just let him pick out the ring and trusted his judgement.
Leaving back home yesterday was the saddest thing ever. My heart literally hurt because we weren't sure if this was our last weekend together. I really hope it isn't. He promised me it wasn't. I miss him.

Wasn't snowing before we entered the temple!

Awkward hands and matching hats

Date night! Tried a buffalo burger

Family friend's brother. Looking like a family photo haha

Chiropractic

I finally went to a chiropractor for my back. Up until recently the pain was very on and off but now it's almost all the time. I went to physical therapy through kaiser but didn't feel like that was helping so I stopped. But Friday I went and the doctor did an x-ray and I found out my spine leans slightly to the right and I have a strain deeper than the surface. I'm grateful for chiropractors and hopefully will get this fixed before I report to the mtc!

Oh and I saw this great quote on my friend's Facebook status. Funny because just the night before I was talking to my boyfriend about this. But it says, "if satan can't make you unworthy, he'll try and make you busy" we should always have time for God. Whether it just be saying a quick prayer or reading a couple scriptures.